Unconditional Love
Unconditional love, a very rare and wonderful thing. When we come into this world we hope to be greeted with unconditional love and if we are lucky and have a good birth and our parents are fully present we are greeted with unconditional love. It can be pretty much all down hill from there.
We find ourselves in a
world of conditions and expectations, when we should eat, when we should sleep,
when we should be teething, when we should be walking; all these ‘shoulds’ and
we carry these ‘shoulds’ on into our adult life.
We grow up in our
parents environment, the family home they create based upon their past
experiences. As children we just
want to be loved, appreciated and fit in.
Our parents write the play and we are players, if you can step off the
stage and look at your family play from outside what do you see?
You may have siblings
with differing qualities and attributes; if you are intellectual but another
sibling has taken that ‘role’ then you have to find another role, maybe the
peacemaker, or the jester. If you
are sensitive and creative but that role is taken or your parents don’t
appreciate those qualities then you have to find another way to be, if you are
athletic but your parents want you to be academic then you try to fit that
mould.
This is a kind of
conditioning that to us growing up seems completely normal but maybe not
natural. Being what we think we
should be creates the secondary personality. We have our primary personality, who we really are, and our
secondary personality, what the world has made of us, the good son/daughter,
the good student, the good employee, the good spouse, it’s a kind of mask. This mask becomes our armour and though
it is created for very good reasons, it limits us.
We carry our secondary
personality into our adulthood and can create a whole life around it, doing a
job we think we should, marrying a person we think we should, creating the
family we think we should.
Sadly, if we are so
identified with our secondary personality to the determent of our primary personality
we can become unfulfilled, sad and confused about the life we find we have
created for ourselves.
Love & blessings
Lynne
